If Cats Created New Year’s Resolutions (Inspired by Blue)

Hi, I’m Amanda! Read my introduction to learn more about me and Blue, my fluffy fire point Himalayan-Persian cat.

It’s that time again, when many of us sit and reflect on the past year, creating new goals and aspirations for the days and months ahead. While we’re out here getting prepared to start journaling, jumping into a new exercise routine, or vowing to take on a new hobby each month, our cats are pondering the changes they can make in their own lives, too. Or at least it’s fun to think they do.

This list of cat-queued New Year’s resolutions is inspired by Blue, and just because, I’ve included a few highlights from her photo reel this past year.

The 10 New Year’s Resolutions Created by Cats:

Here is what I imagine to be a pretty classic and spot-on list of resolutions if they were written by our feline companions.

1. Master My Hunting Skills

Last year, I was given a lot of grief for sparing the lives of the flies and spiders in our home. Not this year. I plan to hone in on my inner wild cat and master the skill of the hunt. These intruders won’t stand a chance.

2. Share Even Less of the Bed

Heck, I might even take over the entire thing. I will stretch my paws as far as they can go and either bunny kick or bite whoever tries to move me. I am the captain of Sleepland now.

3. Finally Train My Human

Direct attention should only be given on my terms. I decide when and for how long our interactions go. I will also leave abruptly when I am satisfied. There will be no more “over-petting” this year.

4. Be More Dramatic When I Leave The Room

Although I did a fairly good job of being over the top last year, this year, I’d like to perfect being extra! Announce my departure by possibly breaking something or running into the wall. The more flair, the better. The slightest sound or movement not previously approved by me will result in an absolute uproar.

5. Be More Inviting But Less Available

Increase cuteness by 50% and decrease accessibility by 50%. Do sweeter things, head butts, purrs, and tail twitches, but immediately leave if anyone touches me.

6. Trip More People

Specifically my human, but any will do, especially when they are already in a heightened state or half asleep. This is equally thrilling for both of us, so it’s a real win-win.

7. Get More Exercise

My human is starting a new workout regime, so I should probably do the same. I will set my internal alarm for 3 am and start with 3 sprints around the living room, then break a glass in the kitchen and finally scale the side of the bed before darting back into the living room. Repeat x 3 every night.

8. Practice Using My Strong Voice

Everyone could benefit from better communication, so this will be the year I will become more vocal. I vow to fill all quiet moments with long and tonal meows. Middle of the night – check. During my human’s work hours – check. Nap time – check. Meditation session – check.

9. Improve My Fine Motor Skills

I would like to increase the frequency with which I paw items off counters and tabletops. Refining my eye paw coordination by swatting any and every loose, valuable, or fragile object from an undermined height will be the key to my success.

10. Embrace the Houseplants

Recently, my human has taken an interest in collecting plants. This year, I will attempt to show interest in their new hobby by digging as much dirt out of each pot as possible and chewing on the end of the leaves to help them grow.

Happy New Year

There you have it. Ten very achievable cat resolutions for the New Year.

A big hurrah to those who have set new goals for themselves, and good luck to any cat owner who may be faced with a very real version of the resolutions above.

On behalf of the Heppsters, we wish you the Happiest of New Years! All the best for the days ahead, and I cannot wait to share another fun year of pet stories with you!